Picture Perfect!

This post is dedicated to all my angels, friends, family. You are all very important to me so thank you!

- Nothing ever hurt like you -

There is a song by James Morrison which I love. It is a sad song, I like sad songs because I can relate and identify with them. There is a Swedish singer Melissa Horn and each and every one of her songs I have been trough and I can relate to them. Music is very important to me. I love singing not just because it is fun, inspirational and liberating but singing is also one way for me to get out my feelings. When I get the feeling to sing I get into a trans. I get quiet and just want to be by myself. I just sing and pour my heart out basically. I hope my flat mates dont mind; I havent had any complaints yet at least so thats alright.

So yea here is the song by James Morrison. Its about loving someone that really hurt you. And that hurting makes you live.

When I hurt I started to live I think. I lived before obviously but after the hurting in a different way. I grew and learnt from my experience of a broken heart.

- Here is the song -

LOVE

Recent conversations with a few people have made me reflect upon why I am doing this blog. My tutor, Tim, asked me what I am writing about. I said I am writing about my experiences and what I have learnt from them. This will make me a better person I said smiling! He then asked me why do you feel the need to become a better person. I thought about it and finally understood why I wrote my blog!

I am doing this blog because I have always been the black sheep in my family I feel, but strangely I have never been neglected by anyone in my family so its not that kind of black sheep. I have needed a lot of attention from my mother as I had eczema as a child! Because of that we have a very close bond which I love. But also I think because I got so much attention, when my siblings. I have three :) then got some I was instantly jealous. I was a child that cried every day - several times and I always had a pretty bad potty mouth saying mean things to my family which I now regret so very very much! I think that I am trying to become a better person because of how I behaved as a child. This must be a good thing right?

Sometimes it might be a bit too much! I try to be so very clear about who I love and why to my friends (not all at the time sadly) just because I need to make up for all those years. I am also doing this to my family of course. I need to feel loved and by getting love I need to give (which is so much fun!)

You all should try it actually. To your friends, a family member or a stranger even. Smile, hug or kiss them. Give them a note that says I love you or I am proud of you! Maybe just let them know in some way that you are happy they are in your life and that you respect cherish, like, love, have fun with - anything! I promise you that they will have a really good day because of that and you will feel good about yourself which is always a plus.

Hope you will have a great spring Saturday!

xx

The Giver

When doing a personality test online my results were Extraverted 33 % Intuitive 38 % Feeling 62 % Judging 44 %.

I believe that this fits my personality very well. I like meeting new people and understand people when they are upset or sad and I want to make them feel better. I also am, not unstable but rather passionate, but I have a lot of emotions inside me. I can be happy one moment and very sad the next. But, what I believe is very important is to pick your moments when you’re sad so I can cope with it when it is appropriate. The test also showed that I am judging. I believe that this is actually true. One place I can be judging is in the kitchen. As I love to cook and I believe I am very good at it when others e.g. chop the onion differently this can be a bit difficult for me to cope with. As I live with two of my friends I have now learnt that how they chop the onion is nothing wrong and that the taste is the same. I also like to do things my way as this is what I know best. However, important to state is that this is only when I am confident enough that I believe my way is the best way. I love to learn and see how other do things so I can learn.

I will ask my house mates what they think is my personality later, now I need to go! So see you later!
xx

Try to be close to perfect

I feel kind of down today, really tired! I don’t like these days. What’s important is to realise it is ok to feel down sometimes. If you don’t then you don’t know when you are happy, right?

Its just now its my uni work and all that, which makes me feel down. I have so much to do but I don’t know where to start or what to do. I feel tired also as I don’t sleep well and I am stressed! I dont’ like it. That’s one thing I need to change: my stress level. I need to cool down and not make things stress me out as much.

When I’m writing this blog it might seem as if I know myself very well, which I do but some things are just in the unknown...and I think it should be. I try very hard to be a good person. I won’t say perfect, as there is no such thing, but close to perfect. I analyse what I do in situations and I try to make me react differently next time it happens if I consider I did something wrong. But its a lot of work. I try to be objective and try to be critical to myself but that’s hard work. I feel that Im emotionally drained and don’t know what to do to make me fill up with positive energy again.

Maybe I need not to be close to perfect? If people say I'm good as I am, well that because I work really hard to be this person. And believe you me, I’m not better than anyone else so that’s not what I meant. I just feel my life is unorganised and I need to get back on track! Someone show me the way?

xx

Conflict managing

I believe that this assignment had the purpose to get to know myself. I think that I am a person that needs to know who I am in order to be confident. I believe I have a dominant personality around the people I feel comfortable with and less dominant around the people I do not know. It takes me a while to get comfortable around people. I think it is because I need to learn how they react and act in different situations. Some people are really easy to get to know and some are harder. That probably depends on the situation as well. That’s the thing with people. They change and they act differently from situation to situation. And that is fine. But that makes me evaluate and step back and then take my place when I feel comfortable. This may be a less good trait within a work place as establishing yourself in a new environment can be argued to be quite important I guess. But I don’t know I think I need to become more confident within the work environment but I think I’m not because I don’t feel 100 % confident that I can do the job. I want reassurance and I need to take things slow at first because I am so afraid of doing a mistake. I really hope my job will consider that I am new and I don’t know everything. I need guidance and a support system which I realise is much to ask from a work place. But as long as they are open and understanding and willing to answer questions I will be fine. It will take a month or so in order for me to become 100 % confident but I hope they will deal with it.
I am kind of scared going off to work. I keep thinking ‘What If’. That’s one thing I do quite often and I know I need to change that.
The thing is, I am very objective about myself and infected situations often. I am looking upon the problem with not too many feelings. I do however consider other feelings and their need to be understood. I try to be objective to get the best result in a conflict. I try to understand where the other person comes from. I like to think I am fair and I believe that this is a very good trait to have as a manager. I think that if I know the field and feel comfortable enough I would be a great manager because I have the objectiveness and also I consider myself fair and straight forward as well. I think this is because my background ,where I have had many conflicts as a child with my family and this have thought me to deal with conflicts in a good and sensible way. I have had to put forward arguments and I have had to listen. Probably because my mother is a special needs teacher, she has those interactive skills which I have gotten from her. So this time I can say I actually am happy I am like my mother.

xx