This is my story

Ok, this is my story...

When I planned to go to uni here in England I was single. In the autumn I met a boy (as in all stories, right). This boy swept me off my feet, at least I thought that then. We had a great year with lots of love before I left for England. He was great about me going and we were still together. This boy made me so happy because he swallowed my love and I loved that. But just be safe, I have to tell you that it is far from being a fairytale. When in love my mind fogged. I think that everybody feel that though. Well, anyway I loved this guy. I loved him so much all his flaws became something I loved. I thought that made the love special. He was my first love. WAS being the key word here.

Yes, this summer when I came home to Sweden early for summer he broke up with me. I was devastated. I actually got physical pain inside me. I was really hurt and it has taken all summer and all autumn to get over it, if I am over it. I don’t know. Sometimes I think I am but then I rewind the time and think too much and I’m there again. That is my biggest flaw I think....that I think to much. Someone said to me once, or actually more than once, that I need to chill and not be so uptight. Maybe the person is right but I don’t know. Its just who I am.

Anyway, back to the heart break. Funnily enough I had the best summer of my life so far. I had two work experiences; I had lots of parties and dinners which I love to host and be a part of. I worked and I did all the fun stuff I wanted to. I realised I wasn’t depending on someone any longer. No, let me rephrase that! I wasn’t depending on someone who always let me down. I think my dream is being the perfect couple and having someone I am proud of having and being someone’s girlfriend, I know it sounds really corny (I think I watched too many Hollywood films). The thing is I never had that, not for real. It only existed in my mind. Because he never was there on the dinners and parties. I always got disappointed. I’ll let you in on a secret. We were together for three years almost. That means that we were together for three new year’s eves, but the funny thing is...I have never had a new year’s kiss (my drama queen and fairytale thought again). How bad is that? Been with a guy for three years and never got a kiss on new year’s. The funny part is now that we are not together he quit his job which made him 'miss' all the important events. I think for me I want to show my love to others. I’ve read somewhere that some people don’t think that love exists if they don’t talk about it or show it. I might be that person...

Anyway I think that this break up thought me something very important. I have become more aware of me and what I want and what I need and how I react to situations. That is a good lesson, it must be. So if I am going to look on the bright side, a Swedish saying works well here...tur i oturen. Luck in unluck it means. But i guess its better so say that there is always a silver lining....Im trying to see it and focus on it. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t work...but hey that’s life.

xx