You know, being here in Soton studying, living and having a life is weird. It is strange and it is unknown. Nobody can understand except for the people that have done it themselves. It is strange that I can sit on my sofa (and its not even mine, it came with the flat), I sit and just do nothing. Well, I am on my computer writing but still and I’m ill but still. I sit and sit and go to the library to study, I go to ASDA to shop for food. I cook dinner, go to the gym, TV, sleep. Wake up and do this all over again. Is this life? Am I doing everything I can to make the most out of this opportunity? I think I want to be on the safe side of things sometimes, most of the time probably but I know that I will look back and say: Hm...was that all I did? Really? What happened to all the mini trips we decided to do? What happened to all the little adventures? Well to be honest its hard to actually take time to do those things because its not something temporary. It is but its not really as it has been three years. Now this is my life, my everyday life and its alright, don’t get me wrong but its just...that’s it! Yes, ok now I have decided that I need to do something about it. I have to start doing fun stuff even though my work load is up to my ears and even though I am ill and even though I might have to do it myself...no, erase that, I’m not doing it myself. That’s not me. I am very dependent on people around me. I’m not scared of doing things alone, its just not fun with only me I think. This summer was the first time I sat in a coffee shop by my self. I was in London. I’ve never felt so lonely as I did in London, even though I was absolutely not alone. To make it easier I tried to think I was an important business woman who everybody thought looked good and wanted to be or wanted to be with. I imagined Sex and the City music while I walked down the streets and my Starbucks latte in my hand was mostly because that’s what they do, those people I pretended to be. Its really embarrassing, I don’t really drink coffee anyway. I only drink it when its on the go, its the only good coffee in my opinion. Plus I think too much coffee isn’t good for you.

This whole of third year has gone past so fast. I cannot believe it is soon over. I cannot believe that the person I pretended to be is actually me soon. I can’t wait!

xx